I'm going through the book, Feminine Appeal, by Carolyn Mahaney (link to the right) and so far it's been very good. You should see my pages - very very marked up. Sorry, I cannot lend this one out. She's going through 7 virtues of a Godly Wife and Mother, as stated in Titus 2. I'm actually going through this with a friend who also desires to work on her role, in particular, as a Godly wife. I believe "getting this right" is so key to every other aspect of a woman's life (if your married, that is), right behind our relationship with our Lord, and knowing who He is and who I am in Him. Anyway, the first virtue deals with our husbands, and how we are to love him. Oh no, not yet ANOTHER lesson on submission, and men are from mars type lesson. Not that these things are not important, but I'm feeling a bit saturated on these points and yet still struggle with being the kind of Wife God has called me to be. Onto my interesting discovery from my reading the other day.
She, the author, talks about that Paul uses phileo rather than agape to describe the kind of love we are to have for our husbands, here in Titus 2:4. Phileo the love between very close friends: tender, affectionate, passionate kind of love. It emphasizes enjoyment and respect in a relationship. Agape refers to a self-sacrificing love. She goes on to pontificate on why she thinks Paul uses this love word - good stuff - get the book. However, if that was not interesting enough, she goes on to say that "in commands specifically related to wives, agape is never used." Does that strike you like it hit me? Really?? No agape love commandments for us wives? (she does say that does not release us from this kind of love, for certain, however her comment that phileo is the type love always used in commandments to wives.) Now for my Bible scholars out there, I would like to verify this, in my free time. But did you know that???? And in turn, with commandments to HUSBANDS, agape is always used. I liked her theories on why this is, what are your thoughts? One thing she mentioned, which resounded true for me in my life, women are very capable of agape love (sacrificial love) all the time. We can continue to clean, cook, buy groceries for our husbands when our tender feelings have subsided, or using her words: "when he is a true and unvarnished jerk." (of course that would not be any of OUR husbands) But that is so true. We can serve till the cows come home, and yet not feel tender love towards our husbands. Do you think God (Paul) knew that about women? We (us wives) don't struggle with agape love. Thoughts? Comments???
Amy,
ReplyDeleteYou may be right about not struggling with agape love. For example, why do women stay with men that abuse them? They will say they actually love them. Do they like them? Do they submit in love? No, but they claim to love them. I don't get it, but I think part of the argument goes back to the love and respect thing. Men want respect more than they crave love. It is their love language so yes we can pretend and take care of them, but we are commanded to actually consider them our friend and like them. Actually a taller order than just taking care of them out of obligation. You have definitely sparked my interest to read this book. No husband bashing here, Dean truly is a wonderful person. I am happy to submit to him most of the time, because his heart is God's and he gives so much of himself to us without complaint. It does sometimes require me to ask God for His eyes though to see that Dean is thinking right.
Love, Pen
Thanks Pen. That is basically what the author was getting at, as wives, we do not need to be COMMANDED from scripture to love our husbands with agape, self-sacraficing love, we do it so naturally. Case in point, your point the ladies that suffer abuse from their husbands. However, we let life get in the way so quickly and we forget to play and enjoy our husbands. It is very hard to NOT talk about the kids while on a date with Dan. It's really on my heart to pray for ways to play with Dan. Have fun with him. What does that look like? How does that get "lost" so quickly? What DID we do when we dated? We had a wonderful ministry called Crossroads, that's what we DID! Thanks my friend - we'll see you in March!
ReplyDeleteAmy,
ReplyDeleteI was in a bible study about love and respect. Our teacher brought up a true story about a women who was a mistress to a French King. Although our teacher in no way endorses her relationship to the King, her point was that she had the forethought to plan weekends away from his home to get away from his responsibilities and the extreme pressure he felt everyday. when she died he mourned many days and was never the same. He called her his one true friend and confidant. What good insight to think about playing, they long for us to be their friends. I don't know either, but a high thought to ponder. Maybe we should ask them! Pen
Good point Pen. Who'd a thunk to just ask our guys? I think I will and I'll report back here to let you know what Dan had to say, probably a great place to start. :-)
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